【本期題目】
在初中三年的學(xué)習(xí)生活中，你一定遇到過很多老師，現(xiàn)在請你選擇其中對你幫助最大的一位老師，給他(她)寫一封感謝信，談?wù)勀銓λ?她)的印象，回憶一下他(她)是怎么幫助你的，并表達(dá)你對他(她)的祝福。信的開頭和落款已給出，不計(jì)詞數(shù)。
提示詞：kind, help, encourage, thanks, hope
【寫作指導(dǎo)】
本題要求我們給對自己幫助最大的老師寫一封感謝信，因?yàn)槭亲约河H身經(jīng)歷的，又是寫給自己的老師，同學(xué)們一定有千言萬語要對他(她)說。在情真意切的同時(shí)，我們還要格外注意文章的詳略和條理。
通過審題，我們可以獲知：
1. 文章的主題：感謝師恩
2. 文章的要點(diǎn)：對老師的感謝之情，對老師的印象，回憶老師的幫助，并表達(dá)祝福。
3. 文章的體裁：書信
4. 文章的人稱：You, I
5. 文章的時(shí)態(tài)：因?yàn)槭腔貞洠砸砸话氵^去時(shí)為主。
同學(xué)們先把相關(guān)短語和詞匯整理一下：
1. 描寫老師的形容詞有哪些呢?
kind, nice, selfless, patient, easy-going, responsible, be strict with…
2. 有哪些單詞和短語可以表示老師對自己的幫助呢?
help me with my English/ maths, explain…to me patiently, encourage me never to give up, praise me when I make progress, have a talk with me, take me to the hospital when I am ill, tell me some good ways to learn……
接下來，我們看看如何表達(dá)對老師的感謝和祝福吧。
1. I want to say thanks/thank you.
2. I owe my progress/success to your help.
3. I owe you a lot for your help/what you’ve done for me.
4. I’ll never forget your help and I will remember all the happy times we shared together.
5. I hope you can be happy/healthy, forever.
6. I wish you good luck/health!
【普通作文】
Dear Miss Wang:
I’m glad to write to you.
You are such a kind and easy-going teacher that we all like you. I remember that at first I hated learning new English words very much and I even wanted to give up. When you noticed this, you had a talk with me. You told me some good ways to remember those words and encouraged me never to give up. I’ve made great progress in English and now I’m a top student in English.
I want to say thanks. I will work harder in the future. I hope you can be happy and healthy forever.
Yours,
Linda
點(diǎn)評：
本文信息點(diǎn)齊全，層次比較清楚，語言比較通順，句式也有一定的變化。作者首先用一個so…that 句式將老師隨和、善良的特點(diǎn)勾勒出來，接下來回憶了老師是如何在自己當(dāng)初因討厭背單詞而想放棄學(xué)英語時(shí)對自己無私的幫助。結(jié)尾處，對于老師的感謝和祝福也就水到渠成，感情真摯、自然。
當(dāng)然，文章的連貫和語言優(yōu)化方面也還是可以進(jìn)一步改進(jìn)的。
【滿分范文】
Dear Miss Wang,
I’m glad to write to you. At this moment, words can no longer exPss my feelings.
How kind and responsible can a teacher be? You just gave me the perfect answer. I can clearly remember how much I hated learning new English words at first. To be honest, I really wanted to give up. As soon as you noticed this, you offered to help me by telling me some shortcuts to learn them. You never failed to encourage me even when I made only a little progress. Little by little, my interest in English grew and now I’m a top student in English.
I want to say thanks to you. I will work harder in the future to live up to your expectations. I hope you can be happy and healthy forever.
Yours
Xiaoming
點(diǎn)評：
這篇修改后的作文無論在語言表達(dá)以及文章內(nèi)涵方面都是相當(dāng)優(yōu)秀的。
首先，開頭At this moment, words can no longer exPss my feelings. 短短的一句話便把作者此時(shí)的激動和對老師的感激之情表達(dá)得很充分。第二段首句的設(shè)問句How kind and responsible can a teacher be? 更是精彩。在描寫自己起初對英語單詞的厭煩時(shí)，作者用了一個how 所引導(dǎo)的賓語從句替代原文的普通句式。
文章的幾個過渡語也是恰到好處: to be honest, little by little等，均在一定程度上增強(qiáng)了文章的連貫性。此外，幾個表達(dá)法也相當(dāng)?shù)氐�、出彩，比如�?live up to one’s expectations (不辜負(fù)某人的期望)表示自己的決心，使得整篇文章的感情更加飽滿、真摯，給人留下了深刻的印象。
